Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Be Vulnerable

Recently a male friend asked me for some girl advice. He's been taking his female friend out on what he calls "friend dates" for a while now. They're dates, ice skating, dinner, etc, but he always tells her that he's asking her out "as a friend." But, he likes her, so this whole "as a friend" thing is problematic. 

His question for me: How do I get her to date me?

Step One: Let her know you like her, ask her out. 

Well, my friend had been doing this, but he needed to make one change: ask her out on a date. NOT a "friend date."

DON'T use the F word (the friend word).

Step Two: Let her know you like her, verbalize. 

I asked my friend if he ever told this girl what he likes about her, "have you ever told her that she's beautiful?"

He said he had told her "I say this as a friend, but you are beautiful/you look beautiful."

Guys. None of this friend stuff. I mean, yes, be a friend, but let her know you want to be more than friends. Without that there will be NO PROGRESS in the relationship.

Step Three: When the time is right, tell her how you feel.

Since they've been going out for a while now and my friend has determined to call up his female "friend" and ask her out. On their next date, he's going to be a man. He's going to become vulnerable and let her know how he feels.

Oh boy, it's scary, I know. I'm awful at being vulnerable. 

(I'm so awful at it that even my bishop gave me a lecture on it...)

I need to take my own advice, I guess.

In short:

She wants to be adored.
She needs to hear what you like about her, why you value her.
She needs to know you think she's beautiful, smart, fun.
She needs to know how you feel about her. Don't hide behind the "friend" mask.

Tell her. If you don't some other guy will, and we all know you don't want that. ;)

Go! Be vulnerable.

-Lady L.


  1. Hey Lady L, you should let me know what you think of this post I did a couple months back. Thanks for being a positive force for empowering gentlemen!

  2. Sorry, here is the link the post I referenced:

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  4. I've got to disagree with your comment about there being no progress in the relationship if you're just going out as friends. I've always felt I wanted to marry my best friend, so what's wrong with building a friendship without rushing to turn it into a serious dating relationship? I think if you play your cards right, you can turn this into a situation where you both develop feelings for each other long before the dreaded moment where one finds out the other is interested and has to decide if he/she feels the same. And honestly, if you never end up being more than friends, just be an adult and be glad that you didn't ruin a great friendship by giving your potential partner an awkward emotional ultimatum. Right?