Be Vulnerable

Recently a male friend asked me for some girl advice. He's been taking his female friend out on what he calls "friend dates" for a while now. They're dates, ice skating, dinner, etc, but he always tells her that he's asking her out "as a friend." But, he likes her, so this whole "as a friend" thing is problematic. 

His question for me: How do I get her to date me?

Step One: Let her know you like her, ask her out. 

Well, my friend had been doing this, but he needed to make one change: ask her out on a date. NOT a "friend date."

DON'T use the F word (the friend word).

Step Two: Let her know you like her, verbalize. 

I asked my friend if he ever told this girl what he likes about her, "have you ever told her that she's beautiful?"

He said he had told her "I say this as a friend, but you are beautiful/you look beautiful."

Guys. None of this friend stuff. I mean, yes, be a friend, but let her know you want to be more than friends. Without that there will be NO PROGRESS in the relationship.

Step Three: When the time is right, tell her how you feel.

Since they've been going out for a while now and my friend has determined to call up his female "friend" and ask her out. On their next date, he's going to be a man. He's going to become vulnerable and let her know how he feels.

Oh boy, it's scary, I know. I'm awful at being vulnerable. 

(I'm so awful at it that even my bishop gave me a lecture on it...)

I need to take my own advice, I guess.

In short:

She wants to be adored.

She needs to hear what you like about her, why you value her.

She needs to know you think she's beautiful, smart, fun.

She needs to know how you feel about her. Don't hide behind the "friend" mask.

Tell her. If you don't some other guy will, and we all know you don't want that. ;)

Go! Be vulnerable.

-Lady L.

To Date or Not to Date, THAT is the Question

As some of you may know, There has been a recent surge of girls who are preparing to serve  missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Yes. That's where all the "all the girls are gone" and "all the girls are leaving" jokes come from. They are funny because they are true.

Anyway, I was browsing Facebook and came across a page for sister missionaries. One of the first things I saw was a post from a girl who said the following:

"Hey ladies, Is dating before the mission okay? It seems right but at the same time it feels wrong."

I was surprised to see how many girls said to not date. There were only a few that said dating before the mission was okay.

So I guess I can commiserate with the fellas. The LDS dating world is not only getting smaller because droves of girls are on missions now, they're short on girls to date because these I-have-my-call and haven't-left-yet ladies think it's wrong to date before their missions. This is absurd.

About a month ago my bishop gave a lesson in our Relief Society meeting. I distinctly remember him saying that "nothing has changed until it's changed," this means that until you're actually set apart as a missionary, it's okay to date!

So guys, ask girls on dates! :) Girls with mission calls, go on dates!

...unless you don't want to, that's fine, that just makes it easier for girls like my friend Lucy. She said "all these girls going on missions is great--I've been asked out on a lot more dates recently (after the mission age for girls changed!)" Even if the shortage of date-able women is doing good things for Lucy, you should still take my advice. Go on dates. :)

Christmas in July: First Kiss Story

Okay, okay, it's not July, but I wrote this post in July. Hence: "Christmas in July" The title just wouldn't sound right if I called it "Christmas in August."

It's been 8 months since this blog began and by now you've heard a few of my dating stories--worst date, best date, etc. But what you haven't heard yet is my first kiss story. I think I'll share, it's a classic.

High school dating is awkward, let's just set that straight from the get-go. It's awkward, and silly, and no one really knows what they're doing. Gerry and I were no exception.

I liked him. He liked me. And for three months, neither of us did anything about it.

On the night of the annual winter music concert I arrived early. I reported to the choir room where the other students were congregated, chattering loudly. I found my place and sat down. While I was waiting, I saw him sneak into the room--he wasn't supposed to be there, and the teacher quickly shooed him out. Before he left, he gave me a wink and a smile.

I performed with my choir, he performed with his group, and then we sat at the back of the auditorium and whispered through the remaining musical numbers. The finale of the night was a  choral and instrumental ensemble performing the "Hallelujah Chorus." Gerry would be contributing with his musical talent on the piano.

I entered the stage and filed onto the riser. The pre-music silence was tangible. I looked over to where Gerry was.

He looked at me.



No, this isn't him. BUT, I did see him from this angle--through the open grand piano.

We sang our Hallelujahs and he played the black and white. We ended gloriously. There was applause. He looked up at me and winked. The choir's Hallelujahs were silenced, but they were just starting up again inside my head.

After the concert I gave him a ride home. It was snowing. Before he got out of the car he hesitated, leaned in and quickly pulled away.

"Goodnight! Thanks for the ride." he said. Then he was gone.

Ah. Well, we flirted some more. and a week later I invited him on a double date.

It was three days before Christmas. My sister's boyfriend drove us to Zupas. Following our dinner we went on a photo scavenger hunt in the local mall.

... it was a marathon date.
After the scavenger hunt we went to my house to make delicious __________ cookies (I don't remember which kind, so we'll make it an interactive post and YOU can choose which kind of cookies we made).

There was much giggling, probably some smearing of flour on faces, and most likely a lot of blushing (on my part).

I gave him his Christmas present. A man-let (a bracelet for a man) and some Burt's Bees lip balm in a bag filled with Hershey's chocolate kisses. (Don't judge, I thought it was a good gift ...at the time. haha)

After we'd had our fill of hot-out-of-the-oven ________ cookies, I drove him home.

It was snowing. It really was a lovely evening.

I pulled into his driveway, he thanked me for a fun night, and got out of the car. I was backing out of the driveway when I noticed him walking back to my car.  I braked, he tapped on the window, I rolled it down.

"Would you like a kiss for Christmas?" he asked.

I smiled.

He leaned in and kissed me.

We said goodnight and I drove home. The falling snow glowed in my headlights and I felt like I was weightless, traveling at the speed of light through a still and starry space.


*pardon the extra cheese at the end of this story. I just couldn't resist.

Date Idea: Bookstore Scavenger Hunt

It's a scavenger hunt! Finding the books helps you get to know your date. I've used it a couple of times and it's fun!  Both times I went to Barnes and Noble, but a library would work too, you'd just have to be quieter. (whisper!)

Here you go:

Find a book …
From your childhood (3 extra points if no one has heard of it)
By an author with your last name
You wished a former roommate had read
You never finished
A book made into a movie (add 1pt if you’ve seen or read it, add 2 if both)
About a deceased US president
That relates to your career path
About a language you wish you knew
With a copyright dated from your birth year (10 pts)
About your favorite sport
About a skill you have
And about a skill you want to have
That could fit in your pocket (don’t try it…)
That inspired you
With a soft cover
With an official award
About war
You both agree everyone should read
A book you don’t mention you’ve read
That costs between $5 and $7
About a place you have lived
You didn’t like
About an instrument you can or have played
With a palm trees on the front
That comes in hard back and paper back
That surprises you in some way
About spies
About the environment
With headless figures on the front
That has a yellow cover
You read in high school
You want to get
About where you served your mission
About how to overcome one of your childhood fears
On a topic that always reminds you of your best friend
By an author that you’ve met
About your favorite animal
About a musical group or singer you’ve heard live
With stripes on the cover
About what you wanted to be when you grew up
Someone recommended to you
You have read from the following Genres:
-Sci-fi
-Adventure
-Biography
-Mystery
Something that relates to an item on your Christmas list
The page number that a famous quote is on
A recipe that includes celery
A map of a place you want to go
A self-help book you could benefit from
One of your favorite books
A play you have been in for 3pts or it not 1pt if you watched it
A picture of your home state’s state flower (are you smarter than a 4th grader?)
3pts to the couple who finds the book with the most pages.______


Have fun!

Be Charming

So, this is a dating blog, and at some point you may have wondered: "who is Lady L. and what qualifies her to write the things she does?"

Nothing, really. She goes on dates, but that's about it. Has she been in numerous relationships? Nope. In fact, she's only twice been involved in anything that might even resemble a real "relationship."

My secret is out.
Call me a fraud if you'd like, just remember--everything I write is my opinion. :) And this is a dating blog, not a relationship blog.

I was walking to the park the other day when I heard someone call out my name.
"Hey, Lady!"
I looked over to where a group of guys were playing soccer. He waved. It was him, the man from my most recent "relationship." Seeing him sparked memories of when we were dating. And I was thinking--no one does everything right in a relationship, but he came pretty darn close.

I'll call him Tyler. Tyler and I met at the very end of the semester. I only sat next to him in class once; we didn't say much, just "hello," I think.

The night before our final exam I was studying in the library and ran into him at the drinking fountain. I asked his name and we chatted about the upcoming final and how poorly we both thought we'd do. That night I added him as a friend on Facebook, (later he told me this was creepy, I'm not entirely sure why...it seemed like a casual way to connect, in my opinion. I mean, I wasn't asking for his number or anything).

The next day arrived. I took my exam and made my way to the library, where I ran into a friend on the stairs. While chatting with my friend, Tyler walked by. I don't remember who spoke first, but we saw each other and chatted briefly about the exam.Tyler, my friend, and I had a lengthy but inconsequential conversation, then parted.

That night Tyler accepted my friend request and messaged me on Facebook.

• Tyler 
  

  
  

  great, now we can be real friends. 
• Lady L.
  

  
  

  Hehe. yeeeeah buddy.  Nah, who are we kidding?? We've been friends forever, right? We go waaay back.... to the beginning of the semester. 
• Tyler
  

  
  

  yeah! remember that one time I was like "hi" and then you were like "hey"
• Lady L.
  

  
  

  We had a connection, you can't blow it off like that, Tyler.

  haha
• Tyler
  

  
  

  I would never! What do you take me for?!
• Lady L.
  

  
  

  Well, you just had me a little concerned. I thought you were being casual about our friendship.

  haha
• Tyler
  

  
  

  Casual? That's the last thing our relationship is!
• Lady L.
  

  
  

  I'm glad we're on the same page. 
• . . .
• 
  December 13, 2012
• Tyler
  

  
  

  Also, since we have a connection, and our relationship is anything but casual, you should go with me tomorrow night?
• Lady L.
  

  
  

  Haha. I'm glad we agree on that.  I wish I could! I have plans tomorrow in the evening. Could we do something another time? I would like that

I didn't go with him to his work party, but I got home from my Friday night event earlier than expected, and I let him know. He came over and we watched one of my favorite movies, Sweet Home Alabama. (While we were picking a movie to watch I discovered that he actually likes some of the same movies that I do. This is surprising because not many guys like the movies that I like--I mean, very few men are understanding of Jane Austen's wit. In any case, I was impressed.) Generally, watching a movie would not be my first choice for a first date because you don't get to talk very much. BUT we talked through the whole movie. Besides, it wasn't a real date, he told me that "it's a date only after I've called you and asked you out." Those are the kinds of dates I like best. :) He earned gentleman points when he said that.

We talked over Christmas break, and the night he got back we went on our first date.  We ate at my favorite restaurant. :)

My favorite date with Tyler was when we made dinner together. I steamed the broccoli and he made sun-dried tomato chicken. (He earned points here, too. I don't like cooking meat.) see Manly Moment #1

After dinner we were sitting on the couch, talking. Nearby was one of my bookshelves, on which was a picture book--The Tempest by William Shakespeare. I jokingly suggested that he read me a story...and he did. That was probably one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me. It was simply charming.

Now, my "love language" is quality time. But, it's different for everyone. Find out what your love's love language is, and keep it in mind when you want to do sweet things for  them.


The moral of the story: BE CHARMING

Up Next... "How to NOT Date a 40 Year Old"