Friday, October 9, 2015

To Adore and be Adored

Drawings and sketches of costumes for the opera in Paris and Versailles from 1739 to 1767 Louis-Rene Boquet (1717-1814), 1770.  
Photo Credit: Pinterest
Every person we meet teaches us something! Only, realizing what they've taught us can take some reflection. I've been reflecting.

We learn things about ourselves.

We learn things about others.

We learn how to love.

We learn how to forgive.

We learn about our personal values.

We learn about reality.

We learn about false expectations.

We learn about weaknesses.

We learn to be patient.

We learn to be tolerant.

Over the past five and a half months I've been on a few dates with an array of very different young men. None of them turned out to be my one-true-love, or even my boyfriend, but I learned from each person and the experiences I had while I was dating them.

This weekend I've been thinking a lot about what I want in a spouse. Figuring this out has been, what seems to be, the quest of a lifetime. (Only, I had better figure it out before the end of my life or I'll be pretty lonely in the meantime.)

Over the past few months I have been learning a lot about myself. One big things I'm realizing is my need to be adored.

Of course, adoration doesn't always come immediately. In fact, if it did, it might scare me a little (that might earn a guy stalker status...). But I definitely need a little affection.

The need to be recognized, appreciated, and validated seems to be a basic part of human nature--we all need to be acknowledged, respected, and loved. But, because each person is different --this validation is best received in forms tailored to suit each individual. (Ever heard of the 5 love languages?)

While the need for respect, love, value, praise, and appreciation are universal, communicating these things is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Think of the people that you love. Do you show affection to your brother the same way you show it to your mother? What about your dog? Do you tell him you love him in the same way you tell your dad? Most likely the answer is no. My dog Archie usually just wants a treat and to be petted (love language of gifts and physical touch), while I show my mother I love her by serving her.

 Also, as to not sound too one-sided and self-serving, I will say this: yes, I want to be adored, but I want to find someone who I can praise, adore, respect, and value just as much (or more!) I want someone who will help me reach my potential, and I want to help him reach his. I want someone to serve, and love. .I want him to speak to me in my love language, but I also want to discover his and serve him--how he needs it! I want someone who needs my attention as much as I need his.

As I've thought about how to accomplish this (finding a man who "fits the bill") I've realized that I must first be the kind of person I want to be with.

I love this quote,and I think it highlights quite nicely what I've been thinking about:

Your responsibility now is to be worthy of the person you want to marry. If you want to marry a wholesome, attractive, honest, happy, hardworking, spiritual person,be that kind of person. If you are that person and you are not married, be patient. Wait upon the Lord. I testify that the Lord knows your desires and loves you for your faithful devotion to Him. He has a plan for you, whether it be in this life or the next. Listen to His Spirit. “Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand.”12 In this life or the next, His promises will be fulfilled. “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”13  Robert D. Hales, October 2015

Commencing the road to self-improvement: ready, set, go!

Much love,

Lady L.

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