To Adore and be Adored

  

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Every person we meet teaches us something! Only, realizing what they've taught us can take some reflection. I've been reflecting.

We learn things about ourselves.

We learn things about others.

We learn how to love.

We learn how to forgive.

We learn about our personal values.

We learn about reality.

We learn about false expectations.

We learn about weaknesses.

We learn to be patient.

We learn to be tolerant.

Over the past five and a half months I've been on a few dates with an array of very different young men. None of them turned out to be my one-true-love, or even my boyfriend, but I learned from each person and the experiences I had while I was dating them.

This weekend I've been thinking a lot about what I want in a spouse. Figuring this out has been, what seems to be, the quest of a lifetime. (Only, I had better figure it out before the end of my life or I'll be pretty lonely in the meantime.)

Over the past few months I have been learning a lot about myself. One big things I'm realizing is my need to be adored.

Of course, adoration doesn't always come immediately. In fact, if it did, it might scare me a little (that might earn a guy stalker status...). But I definitely need a little affection.

The need to be recognized, appreciated, and validated seems to be a basic part of human nature--we all need to be acknowledged, respected, and loved. But, because each person is different --this validation is best received in forms tailored to suit each individual. (Ever heard of the 5 love languages?)

While the need for respect, love, value, praise, and appreciation are universal, communicating these things is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Think of the people that you love. Do you show affection to your brother the same way you show it to your mother? What about your dog? Do you tell him you love him in the same way you tell your dad? Most likely the answer is no. My dog Archie usually just wants a treat and to be petted (love language of gifts and physical touch), while I show my mother I love her by serving her.

 Also, as to not sound too one-sided and self-serving, I will say this: yes, I want to be adored, but I want to find someone who I can praise, adore, respect, and value just as much (or more!) I want someone who will help me reach my potential, and I want to help him reach his. I want someone to serve, and love. .I want him to speak to me in my love language, but I also want to discover his and serve him--how he needs it! I want someone who needs my attention as much as I need his.

As I've thought about how to accomplish this (finding a man who "fits the bill") I've realized that I must first be the kind of person I want to be with.

I love this quote,and I think it highlights quite nicely what I've been thinking about:

Your responsibility now is to be worthy of the person you want to marry. If you want to marry a wholesome, attractive, honest, happy, hardworking, spiritual person,be that kind of person. If you are that person and you are not married, be patient. Wait upon the Lord. I testify that the Lord knows your desires and loves you for your faithful devotion to Him. He has a plan for you, whether it be in this life or the next. Listen to His Spirit. “Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand.”¹² In this life or the next, His promises will be fulfilled. “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”¹³  Robert D. Hales, October 2015


Commencing the road to self-improvement: ready, set, go!


Much love,

Lady L.

Tinder: The Smorgasbord for Picky Eaters. Er, I Mean, ...Picky Daters

Left! Left! Left! Right! Left!

Nope. Nope Nope. Match. Nope.

Tinder.

Some people use it to pass the time. Apparently judging someone by their picture is fun. 

Some people are looking for a hookup. Pathetic.

...And some people are genuinely looking for new ways to meet people. 

I fell into the third category. About two months ago I downloaded the app after a particularly discouraging dating disappointment. A very charming young man treated me very ill (see how-to-lose-girl-in-one-date) and I decided late one night, on a whim, that I would enter the Tinder world.

Up to that point I had been very anti-Tinder, but in a moment of weakness and frustration, I caved. I had fun with it for a few weeks. I swiped left mostly, sometimes right, and quickly accrued a long list of "matches." I tried to get to know my matches by messaging them. I soon realized that there were three types of people (as listed above).


Despite my previously-held negative opinion of the app, I was sucked in. I thought the fact that I could sort of pre-screen my dates was great. If the young men on the app wrote a bio, I could learn a bit about them before swiping right. I could, for the most part, tell if I was going to be physically attracted to them, and by chatting with them for a while, I could decide if they were interesting people.

But then I realized that I didn't like the system. It was pretty superficial. And anyone can say anything great about themselves when there's an Internet barrier between them and the audience. Who knows what's real and what's fake?!

The kicker though? I realized that I wasn't having a hard time meeting people in person, so why was I turning to a screen to make friends? I found that I wasted a lot of time swiping left and right when I could have been having a face-to-face conversation with someone else.

I didn't like what Tinder did to me. I caught myself thinking "Oh! He's cute, but I wonder if I can get someone cuter to swipe right on me." The someone-better-will-come-along attitude was swallowing me up, engulfing any common sense I might have had before. This attitude, if you haven't realized by now, is not conducive to building lasting relationships. It's a selfish way of thinking, and does not leave one feeling fulfilled. Rather, it makes you feel unstable and anxious--too much what-if and when-the-next-good-thing-comes-along-then-I'll-be-happy thinking is not good for the soul.

So what did I do? I deleted Tinder!

And let me tell you! My life has been better after making that decision. :)

Part 2 of A Lady Likes Being Surprised

So, you're probably all still wondering what happened with the guy who left the sweet note.

Well, just like the note said, he got off work at 10:00pm. At 10:30 he sent me a text to ask if he could pop in for a minute. I said he could, but warned him that I was in my pajamas. (PJ's don't always constitute the best looking getup.)

He knocked. I opened the door to yet another surprise. There he was standing there with flowers in his hand. He gave me the flowers, and I let him in. We chatted for a minute about how his day went, and then he asked me If I would like to go out later that week. (He asked in person! The man's got guts.) We said goodnight, and he went home.



Wednesday rolled around (the agreed-upon day of THE date), and I was very excited. He had told me part of the plan--he knew I liked Thai food and decided to try a new restaurant downtown. He picked me up, and we started to drive.

After dinner we started driving (I had no idea where we were going!) He took me to a small village of shops. His friend let him borrow the key to the family store, so we had a small shop to ourselves. In the quaint  twinkle-lit shop, he had planned to set up an art workshop so we could paint together. :) He must have done his research, because I love to paint. :)

For reasons unrelated to the planned activities, it wasn't my best date, but he did put some thought into it. :) He gets credit for that. Anyway, now you know what happened after.

P.S. I decided that we weren't a good match, in case you were wondering.