You Don't Want to Date Yourself

A lady likes it when a man is interested in what she likes. He doesn't have to love it too, but when she's talking about her interests--he listens, asks questions, and appreciates.

On a recent date a fella and I were chatting over some ice cream. At some point in the conversation he said something like: "we really don't have any common interests." Then he proceeded to explain the difference: he likes golf, watching sports on TV, and science; I like reading and making music and art and cooking and painting and writing and hiking and a lot of things.

I was thinking "Whoa there, we should have differences."

Can you imagine what it would be like to date someone exactly like you? You'd be finishing each other's sentences left and right, not to mention the fact that they'd be using up all your best jokes. You know it would get tedious. Men and women were meant to be different from one another. People were meant to be different from one another. THANK GOODNESS.

Yes, it is important that you have common interests--it's nice to have things you can enjoy talking about and doing together, but not all your interests need to be the same.

Profound, I know. :)

There will be differences. When you find out your date has an affinity for fly fishing or bingo or yoga or Swedish opera or ... heaven forbid... extreme ironing (it's a real thing!), embrace it as one of your differences. Who knows?! you might pick up a new hobby or interest by spending time with that person. You may be surprised and find out you like doing something unusual because  you're with that person.

Haha, I'm rambling again.

-LadyLike

P.S. Don't try this at home.

Appreciate the Good Things: A Gallon of Milk

I must be on a food kick. Jam, now milk? Maybe I'm just hungry.

Last spring/summer I moved into a new ward. I didn't fully appreciate it then, but I am really lucky--the guys in my ward are great. One Sunday evening after gathering together for a ward activity, I struck up a conversation with a young man I hadn't met yet. A few minutes of chatting turned into an hour and a half of conversation, he asked me out for a breakfast date later that week. While wrapping up our conversation I mentioned that I would be waking up early the next morning in order to buy some milk to go with my breakfast cereal.

The next morning he knocked on my door. I opened it to find him standing on my doorstep with a gallon of milk.

*side note to guys: do this.

*side note to girls: if a guy does this for you, kiss him--or at least invite him in for a bowl of cereal (that's what I did).

One morning, later that week, we went on our first date--raspberry & cream crepes and delightful conversation.

A week or so later he asked me to go on a walk.

Next he asked me to go to dinner.

Sounds good, right? That's because it was good. I'm sorry to say I didn't recognize it.

The day of the dinner date came around and I cancelled due to some unfortunately-timed family events. I made sure to let him know I was sorry about cancelling, and I mentioned that I'd like to re-schedule, but he never asked me out again.


Moral of the story:
1. In relationships and dating (actually, this applies to  life in general), learn to recognize the good things so you can enjoy them!
2. Show appreciation when someone does something nice for you.
3. When cancelling a date (if you ever have to), give your date more than 3 hours notice. ...take it from someone who knows. Be considerate.


Also, don't dwell too much on the things you did wrong. Learn from them and just keep swimming.



-LadyLike

What does JAM have to do with DATING?

Have you heard of the Harvard Business School jam study? You haven't? Well, I'll walk you through it.

Pretend  you're at Costco on a Saturday, you're waiting in line for a sample. Today they're sampling gourmet jams. With 18 flavors to sample, you're feeling overwhelmed. Which jam should I sample?  and the ever-looming question: Which jam should I buy?

So, you start sampling. You try half of the jams, or if you're a real trooper, you make it through all of them. By the end you're full of whole-wheat bread and super-sweet fruit jam--your palate has been bombarded by various tastes and you're feeling more confused than you were before the sampling, so you leave the store without buying any jam.

Now, at another Costco store, maybe a couple of cities over, they are sampling jams as well. But the hairnet-clad lady only put out 6 jams for sampling. While she's telling you about the hand-picked boysenberries that went into making the jam you're about to taste, you are already narrowing down your choice: you know that you've always loved strawberry, but you're intrigued by the orange&apricot jam.

You try all 6 flavors, and the decision is easy. Good old strawberry it is. You purchase your jam and happily head for home.

But here's the catch: if you were picking out jam for your aunt's birthday gift, it wouldn't really matter what flavor of jam you chose, right? But you're not choosing  jam for Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon (if you were I'd suggest getting the 'Hellish' Jalapeno" flavor). You're choosing jam for YOU.

What does this have to do with dating? Well, it's an analogy. Just like the customers at the 18-sample store, if you have too many dating options you may decide that being single and "dating around" is more fun and easier than choosing just one flavor. But what you might not realize is... you'll be eating dry toast the next morning. Dry. Toast. *cringe*

So, don't give  yourself so many options! Narrow it down. Narrow. It. Down. If you try and taste-test all of the jams you'll:
a) be unable to choose
b) get confused
c) feel sick because of all the flavors churning in your stomach or because you had too much sugar
d) decide you hate jam after all
e) all of the above

Don't try and date everyone in the whole world, it's fruitless. It'll leave you feeling empty and all you'll have to show for it is bunch of shallow relationships and a stomach ache.

So, try a FEW. Take the time to really taste the flavor, it'll be easier to choose your favorite. :) 

Just remember, you are a piece of bread; there are LOTS of jam flavors that could taste good with you; it's just a matter of deciding which flavor compliments you best.

Happy jamming,

Lady L.

P.S. I love apricot jam. 

Can I Have Your Number?

"Can I have your numbah? Can I haaave it? Can I?"

How many times have you heard that joke? If you're in college, probably way too many times. 

But here's the reality... you've most likely been in a situation where you wanted to ask for someone's number because you'd like to be friends, but you hesitate because of the stigma associated with the act of asking for a phone number. Am I right?

Well, my good friend, Liz, explains it here. <-- Click to read.

-Lady L.

There's Always an Upside

Some people are really bitter after a break-up.

My advice is: Don't be bitter. Just STOP IT. It's not healthy, it's destructive.

You might think "well, that was a waste of time." It's not true. Hopefully you learned something about yourself and about relationships/dating. You learned what you can do better next time, or you learned what NOT to do again. There's an upside. 

My music taste wouldn't be as broad as it is without all the guys I've dated.

To each of the guys I've dated in the past two and a half years: It may not have worked out between us, but because of you, my music collection is much better than it was before I met you. Thanks for introducing me to: Bon Iver, Incubus, Alison Krauss, Silversun Pickups, Mason Jennings, Nickel Creek, the Avett Brothers, Herbie Hancock, Band of Horses, Led Zepplin, Sigur Ros, Stravinsky, Noah and the Whale, Ryan Adams, Brumby, Andrew Bird, Relient K, Greg Holden, Cage the Elephant, Dexys Midnight Runners, Yann Tiersen, and Tom Tykwer. 

See? There's always an upside. Look for it.

-Lady L.

"Find a Good Frog"--Nobody's Perfect

This girl says it so well.

Read this: FIND A GOOD FROG

Nobody's perfect, but there will be somebody perfect for you. You'll find that you will love them, despite their flaws--maybe even because of them.

Just a thought.

-Lady Like