This is a story about Mark.
The end of term was approaching and was getting ready to study for a final. I was walking out of class, and Mark (whom I had never spoken to before because he was out of my league) struck up a conversation about getting a group together to study. He got my number and said he'd coordinate with me about the time. He texted me while I was walking home.
"When did you want to take the test?" he asked.
"Probably tomorrow or Monday, what about you?"
"I'm taking it tonight."
I was surprised, since that meant we would, in fact, not be studying together.
"Oh! That soon? I will need to study a bit more, I think."
He had family in town and needed to take it soon.
Next, he surprised me by asking me if I would like to join him the next day--he and some friends were going to the hot springs. I accepted.
Early the next morning he picked me up and we drove to the hot springs with four of his friends. I was immediately impressed by him. He was smart, funny, and easy to talk to. Needless to say, I had a lovely time. On the drive home he mentioned that he and and some friends would be playing volleyball later that day and invited me to come. So, a few hours later, he picked me up again. I was horrible at the sport, but he didn't seem to mind.
That week, we studied together a few times. He brought his guitar to my apartment and we sang together. If a man wants to win my heart, he only has to sing to me. Sing with me. Or play for me. I'm a sucker for a musical man.
The next weekend he invited me to a local outdoor concert. Mark would be helping his friend propose, oh, and did I mention that most of Mark's family would be there? I was a little nervous.
I met his family before the proposal, they were all very friendly--I was at ease around them. He left me with them while he helped with the proposal. After witnessing the proposal we went to dinner with his family. I'd only spent 2 or 3 hours with them, but I loved them already. (This fact might give you a clue as to what kind of people they were.) Mind you, this was only the second date. If you can even count going to the hot springs or playing volleyball with friends as a date...
We made it to the remainder of the concert, and he took me home. There wasn't any parking close to my apartment so we had to walk a little farther than usual. We talked and laughed. He held my hand.
*Maybe this is just me, but whenever a fella holds my hand, it catches me off guard and I usually can't think. Or if I'm talking, I can't speak. It's almost debilitating. Rather silly, I know.
So, he walked me home. After a hug goodnight, I went inside to Skype my sister and brother in-law in Texas. While I was talking to my sister I got a text from Mark. He asked if I was still awake. He asked if he could come over again.
So, he met my sister and brother in-law over Skype, and then we sang for them. (His guitar was still in my apartment).
The next day we went with some of my friends to a giant rope swing at a smallish lake. And on the way home we stopped at a hole-in-the-wall burger place for shakes. (it was a side-of-a-dirt-road burger place, actually). At the end of the evening, I thought things were going well.
But that was it. He never called again after that night. We saw each other in class, he was cordial, but nothing more.
So, I'll just say this:
If you have an awesome family, don't introduce your date to them unless you're planning on keeping her around for a while. She may fall in love with your family and be disappointed when you decide to not date her anymore.
Okay, that wasn't the ONLY reason I was disappointed, but it was one of them.
Love,
Lady L.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
20 Seconds
You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it. --Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo
I'm crazy. Let's just put that out there.
So when you sit in the same area of the library every day, you get to know people's faces pretty well. Well, there was one face that interested me, caught my attention. He worked in the library, shelving books and I saw him about twice a week. I couldn't think of any logical way to introduce myself casually, so mustered up some courage and wrote a note. It went like this:
To the cute shelving-cart guy:
Since I only ever see you in the library, and we can't really talk, I thought I'd write you a note and invite you to be my friend. If you'd like to accept this offer, then we should hang out sometime.
I signed my name and wrote my number just below it.
Yeah. I know. Just remember what I told you at the beginning of this post: I'm crazy.
So, with the note written and folded in half, I packed up my stuff and waited for the opportune moment.
Luckily, I made the best of the opportune moment. (Thank you Jack Sparrow).
He walked past where I was studying. I picked up my things and headed toward him.
I handed him the note, said: "this is for you," and left.
I thought I was going to die.
I don't do things like that. EVER.
BUT I did.
I walked home, shaking like a leaf, but feeling preeeetty good about myself.
Two hours later he texted me. Here's how it went:
"Hi Lady, This is Scott, the book-shelving guy. I actually have a girlfriend, but I'm flattered, and I think it's great that you had the guts to make a move like that. Sorry to disappoint!"
And you know what? I was fine with it. I had done something crazy and gutsy, and I was pretty dang proud of myself.
So, try it out. It only takes 20 seconds of insane courage. Who knows, circumstances could be different for you. You'll never know unless you try.
--Lady L.
*names have been changed, like always.
Monday, April 8, 2013
First Date Mess-Ups
In a perfect dating world no one would ever do anything wrong. People would treat their dates cordially, no one would ever do anything embarrassing while trying to eat their over-sized, over-loaded piece of pizza, and no one would ever ramble incessantly.
Rambling incessantly is one of the things I do best, it is also one of my flaws. On a recent date I caught myself rambling. My poor date probably didn't care about the brand of flour I buy or my cousin's upcoming wedding or the 32nd question on last week's test. (Okay, I didn't really share any of those things, but you get the idea).
The point is: people do embarrassing things on first dates. Sometimes they say things they shouldn't. Some people are shy and don't say anything at all on a first date. Sometimes people are too forward. Sometimes they drip spaghetti sauce on themselves or spit little pieces of salad on their date. People are human. (Profound, I know.)
So the next time you're on a first date, cut your date some slack. If they're interested in you, they're probably nervous about making a good first impression. If your date messes up or does something embarrassing, be flattered! It's really a sign of their interest.
Good luck! ...And try not to spit salad on your date, that really is gross, not flattering.
Lady L.
Rambling incessantly is one of the things I do best, it is also one of my flaws. On a recent date I caught myself rambling. My poor date probably didn't care about the brand of flour I buy or my cousin's upcoming wedding or the 32nd question on last week's test. (Okay, I didn't really share any of those things, but you get the idea).
The point is: people do embarrassing things on first dates. Sometimes they say things they shouldn't. Some people are shy and don't say anything at all on a first date. Sometimes people are too forward. Sometimes they drip spaghetti sauce on themselves or spit little pieces of salad on their date. People are human. (Profound, I know.)
Good luck! ...And try not to spit salad on your date, that really is gross, not flattering.
Lady L.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Favorite Date (so far)
This man did some things right. Actually, a lot of things. I shall number them out.
Thursday night, I was home alone doing homework when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door, there he was, standing in all his handsome glory--the boy from across the street. I invited him in and we proceeded to chat, he said he had just come by to say hello. (I didn't mind.) We had been talking about school for a few minutes when he noticed my bird painting sitting on the bookshelf and made a comment about it. Then he asked if I would like to go on a date with him the following night. I said I'd love to, we said goodbye, and he left.
What he did right:
1. He asked me in person.
The next day, in the morning, he sent me a text to ask if I was allergic to any kind of ice cream. I told him I wasn't. (Thank goodness I'm not!)
2. I was impressed that he checked to see if what he was planning for the date would be okay.
He informed me of what time our date would be.
3. It's nice to know the time of the date in advance.
4. He picked me up on time. (I'm really glad he remembered that he had asked me out. For a horror story of being stood up, see the post, A Lady Likes a Reliable Man).
5. He opened the car door for me.
We drove to the university's museum of art and had a wonderful time looking at and talking about the art. Our conversation was interesting and he was pleasant to be around. After going to the museum we drove back to his apartment and did our own watercolor paintings. Each of us drew our dream house. Mine was a treehouse (I'll have to attach a picture for you, it's really quite charming, haha).
6. Either he did his research, or he got lucky with his choice of activity. I'm interested in art and enjoy painting, so the activity was one where I would be comfortable and have fun.
While we were waiting for our paintings to dry we indulged in some delicious s'mores ice cream.
7. It was a good choice because it didn't have a lot of chocolate in it. (I don't like chocolate--it's surprising, I know. And, yes, I am a girl. For some reason people always ask me that when I tell them I don't lie chocolate, it's strange). Guys, if you aren't going to ask the girl what kind of ice cream she likes, at least pick something generally "safe"--probably something not too chocolaty, and peanut/nut-free are good choices. When it comes to chocolate, you either love it or you hate it, and lots of people have peanut/nut allergies. If you're making them dinner, you should also ask if they have allergies to certain foods.
**Example: Once I went on a group date where we had a barbecue. My friend Kimball's date couldn't eat gluten and I was impressed when I found out that he had made special arrangements for making and serving food that she could eat.
... back to my date.
After eating ice cream, he played guitar and we sang together.
8. this is a repeat of #6. He did his research (or made a lucky guess). I love music and I love to sing, so this activity was appropriate for my interests. Also, what girl doesn't want to be serenaded by a man with some smooth vocal and guitar skills?
At the end of the date he walked me across the street, right up to my front door. (None of that "I'll drop you at the curb, say: 'see ya!' and leave" stuff for him. He was gentleman).
And there you have it. My favorite date, thus far.
When it comes down to it, the most important thing is to be creative. Dates don't have to be expensive to be fun. :)
-Lady L.
Thursday night, I was home alone doing homework when there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door, there he was, standing in all his handsome glory--the boy from across the street. I invited him in and we proceeded to chat, he said he had just come by to say hello. (I didn't mind.) We had been talking about school for a few minutes when he noticed my bird painting sitting on the bookshelf and made a comment about it. Then he asked if I would like to go on a date with him the following night. I said I'd love to, we said goodbye, and he left.
What he did right:
1. He asked me in person.
The next day, in the morning, he sent me a text to ask if I was allergic to any kind of ice cream. I told him I wasn't. (Thank goodness I'm not!)
2. I was impressed that he checked to see if what he was planning for the date would be okay.
He informed me of what time our date would be.
3. It's nice to know the time of the date in advance.
4. He picked me up on time. (I'm really glad he remembered that he had asked me out. For a horror story of being stood up, see the post, A Lady Likes a Reliable Man).
5. He opened the car door for me.
We drove to the university's museum of art and had a wonderful time looking at and talking about the art. Our conversation was interesting and he was pleasant to be around. After going to the museum we drove back to his apartment and did our own watercolor paintings. Each of us drew our dream house. Mine was a treehouse (I'll have to attach a picture for you, it's really quite charming, haha).
6. Either he did his research, or he got lucky with his choice of activity. I'm interested in art and enjoy painting, so the activity was one where I would be comfortable and have fun.
While we were waiting for our paintings to dry we indulged in some delicious s'mores ice cream.
7. It was a good choice because it didn't have a lot of chocolate in it. (I don't like chocolate--it's surprising, I know. And, yes, I am a girl. For some reason people always ask me that when I tell them I don't lie chocolate, it's strange). Guys, if you aren't going to ask the girl what kind of ice cream she likes, at least pick something generally "safe"--probably something not too chocolaty, and peanut/nut-free are good choices. When it comes to chocolate, you either love it or you hate it, and lots of people have peanut/nut allergies. If you're making them dinner, you should also ask if they have allergies to certain foods.
**Example: Once I went on a group date where we had a barbecue. My friend Kimball's date couldn't eat gluten and I was impressed when I found out that he had made special arrangements for making and serving food that she could eat.
... back to my date.
After eating ice cream, he played guitar and we sang together.
8. this is a repeat of #6. He did his research (or made a lucky guess). I love music and I love to sing, so this activity was appropriate for my interests. Also, what girl doesn't want to be serenaded by a man with some smooth vocal and guitar skills?
At the end of the date he walked me across the street, right up to my front door. (None of that "I'll drop you at the curb, say: 'see ya!' and leave" stuff for him. He was gentleman).
And there you have it. My favorite date, thus far.
When it comes down to it, the most important thing is to be creative. Dates don't have to be expensive to be fun. :)
-Lady L.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
How to get a date in 2 hours
.. And two hours later we were eating at Slab Pizza.
*no guarantee of exact results, but--hey!--it's worth trying.
My friends like to make fun of me for where I sit in the library. The __ floor apparently has a reputation for being the place where single people go to get dates. (It's not true! If you want a date, wear pink in the periodicals...) Well, I happen to go the __ floor because it has good lighting, not because I'm looking for a date.
...But a date is definitely a bonus! If there are people sitting at my table, I'm going to talk to them! I'm a friendly person and I like making friends. I'm telling you, EXPANDING YOUR CIRCLES IS A GOOD THING FOR INCREASING DATING OPPORTUNITIES, PEOPLE. So, if it means striking up a conversation with the strange person sitting across from you, do it.
Even if you don't think you'd be interested in dating a person, making friends is always a good idea. Because it's very possible--no, probable--that they have friends. ;)
Before you get too excited I should tell you: I talk to people all the time, and I can tell you that it doesn't always result in a date.
But one time it did.
I sat at the table with a cute redhead. I asked if I could sit at his table, he said "of course." I took out my laptop and my books and started reading.
I looked up and noticed he was wearing a t-shirt from Mount Rushmore. *Mustered some courage*
I asked him, "So are you from South Dakota?"
***Before you laugh, just remember that it worked.
He laughed. "No, I've been to Mount Rushmore before!"
We talked.
I found out where he's actually from.
I went back to my reading.
We talked again.
I found out what he was working on at the moment, which led to a discussion of his major.
. . . And so on and so forth.
When I started packing up he asked if I was leaving. I said I was. He said "I think I'll go take my test now, I've done as much studying as I can take!"
He and I walked out of the library together. He asked me where I lived. He asked me if I'd had dinner. (Girls, say no even if you have! Especially if it's Brad Pitt, lie to him. Just kidding. You can always suggest that you go out another night. That's better than eating when you don't need to.)
He asked if I'd like to get dinner. (Girls, say yes. If you aren't interested you don't have to say yes, but please keep in mind that this man was brave enough to ask you out. Treat him kindly.)
Good luck,
Lady L.
*no guarantee of exact results, but--hey!--it's worth trying.
My friends like to make fun of me for where I sit in the library. The __ floor apparently has a reputation for being the place where single people go to get dates. (It's not true! If you want a date, wear pink in the periodicals...) Well, I happen to go the __ floor because it has good lighting, not because I'm looking for a date.
...But a date is definitely a bonus! If there are people sitting at my table, I'm going to talk to them! I'm a friendly person and I like making friends. I'm telling you, EXPANDING YOUR CIRCLES IS A GOOD THING FOR INCREASING DATING OPPORTUNITIES, PEOPLE. So, if it means striking up a conversation with the strange person sitting across from you, do it.
Even if you don't think you'd be interested in dating a person, making friends is always a good idea. Because it's very possible--no, probable--that they have friends. ;)
Before you get too excited I should tell you: I talk to people all the time, and I can tell you that it doesn't always result in a date.
But one time it did.
I sat at the table with a cute redhead. I asked if I could sit at his table, he said "of course." I took out my laptop and my books and started reading.
I looked up and noticed he was wearing a t-shirt from Mount Rushmore. *Mustered some courage*
I asked him, "So are you from South Dakota?"
***Before you laugh, just remember that it worked.
He laughed. "No, I've been to Mount Rushmore before!"
We talked.
I found out where he's actually from.
I went back to my reading.
We talked again.
I found out what he was working on at the moment, which led to a discussion of his major.
. . . And so on and so forth.
When I started packing up he asked if I was leaving. I said I was. He said "I think I'll go take my test now, I've done as much studying as I can take!"
He and I walked out of the library together. He asked me where I lived. He asked me if I'd had dinner. (Girls, say no even if you have! Especially if it's Brad Pitt, lie to him. Just kidding. You can always suggest that you go out another night. That's better than eating when you don't need to.)
He asked if I'd like to get dinner. (Girls, say yes. If you aren't interested you don't have to say yes, but please keep in mind that this man was brave enough to ask you out. Treat him kindly.)
Good luck,
Lady L.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
How to Tell if You've Been "Friend Zoned"
The scenario: He took you out on a few dates, you had fun, but a couple of weeks later, something's different.
Girl, you've been put in the FRIEND ZONE.
1. He texts you sometimes, but frequently stops mid-conversation
2. He makes plans to take you out, then "forgets" about them because he was busy. (Girls, if he forgot about your date, he wasn't that interested and you should move on--he's not worth your time, you deserve a man who will pursue you)
3. On the night you were supposed to go out he asks "what are you up to?" then proceeds to tell you about how he's spending his only free night of the week with his roommates
4. He's stops making plans with you
5. He talks about other girls when you're around him
6. He asks if he can ask out your best friend
7. Girls, if he's still texting you, don't bother--this is going nowhere.
"I'm too BUSY to Date!"
It's college life, people are busy making plans, they're planning for tomorrow's homework assignment or next week's midterm or the end-of-semester final or an internship or a big project at work or an application into a special program or grad school.
Life's busy, it's a fact.
What I think a lot of young men (and young ladies) don't understand is that life will continue to be busy--for the rest of your life! If you don't make time for dating, it may never happen. (Que the ominous music)
---------
Shawn and Shelly met in a dance class. Shawn liked Shelly, so he asked her out on a date. On a Friday night they made dinner at her apartment together, then Shawn and Shelly rode the Front Runner to Salt Lake City to see the lights and take fun photos and sip hot chocolate and eat fancy desserts. Shelly had a fabulous time and was eager to see Shawn again after Thanksgiving break.
During Thanksgiving break Shelly only heard from Shawn once. She was worried that Shawn might not want to see her again after the break. But she kept her head on and waited to see what would happen when she returned to Provo. A week or two passed and she didn't hear from Shawn. She saw him once or twice on campus, but he seemed distant. She was confused because she was pretty sure that Shawn had been interested before the date, during their date, and during Thanksgiving break when they talked on the phone.
One day, Chad, Shawn's best friend, approached Shelly and jokingly asked "So, how's Shawn?" he added a wink. Shelly told Chad that it had been a while since she had seen Shawn and she wasn't sure he wanted to see her. Chad assured her that Shawn was interested in her, but that he probably just felt like he didn't have time to date. Shawn felt that pursuing Shelly would be unfair to her, because he knew it would turn into a relationship, and he knew he wouldn't have time for a relationship. Yada yada yada.
STOP RIGHT THERE, SHAWN.
First things first.
Girls understand that you're busy, most likely, they're busy too. It might be hard, but it's important to make time for people in your life. Whether Shawn realized it or not, Shelly would be perfectly happy being in a relationship with him, even if it meant spending a lot of time together studying in the library.
Dates don't have to be time consuming, expensive, or exhausting.
Think about it, people have to eat. Solution to the "I don't have time to date" problem? Make dinner together, or if you don't have time to make it, go out. If you're dating, take turns making dinner for each other (It can be nice to have someone help you out with the cooking--especially when you're so busy studying for that upcoming midterm)
I guess it comes down to reassessing priorities. Do you or do you not value relationships (family relationships, friendly relationships, romantic relationships)? If you do, make time for them; the other things will work out.
Just some thoughts,
Lady L.
Life's busy, it's a fact.
What I think a lot of young men (and young ladies) don't understand is that life will continue to be busy--for the rest of your life! If you don't make time for dating, it may never happen. (Que the ominous music)
---------
Shawn and Shelly met in a dance class. Shawn liked Shelly, so he asked her out on a date. On a Friday night they made dinner at her apartment together, then Shawn and Shelly rode the Front Runner to Salt Lake City to see the lights and take fun photos and sip hot chocolate and eat fancy desserts. Shelly had a fabulous time and was eager to see Shawn again after Thanksgiving break.
During Thanksgiving break Shelly only heard from Shawn once. She was worried that Shawn might not want to see her again after the break. But she kept her head on and waited to see what would happen when she returned to Provo. A week or two passed and she didn't hear from Shawn. She saw him once or twice on campus, but he seemed distant. She was confused because she was pretty sure that Shawn had been interested before the date, during their date, and during Thanksgiving break when they talked on the phone.
One day, Chad, Shawn's best friend, approached Shelly and jokingly asked "So, how's Shawn?" he added a wink. Shelly told Chad that it had been a while since she had seen Shawn and she wasn't sure he wanted to see her. Chad assured her that Shawn was interested in her, but that he probably just felt like he didn't have time to date. Shawn felt that pursuing Shelly would be unfair to her, because he knew it would turn into a relationship, and he knew he wouldn't have time for a relationship. Yada yada yada.
STOP RIGHT THERE, SHAWN.
First things first.
Girls understand that you're busy, most likely, they're busy too. It might be hard, but it's important to make time for people in your life. Whether Shawn realized it or not, Shelly would be perfectly happy being in a relationship with him, even if it meant spending a lot of time together studying in the library.
Dates don't have to be time consuming, expensive, or exhausting.
Think about it, people have to eat. Solution to the "I don't have time to date" problem? Make dinner together, or if you don't have time to make it, go out. If you're dating, take turns making dinner for each other (It can be nice to have someone help you out with the cooking--especially when you're so busy studying for that upcoming midterm)
I guess it comes down to reassessing priorities. Do you or do you not value relationships (family relationships, friendly relationships, romantic relationships)? If you do, make time for them; the other things will work out.
Just some thoughts,
Lady L.
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